Boulevard of Broken Dreams
by Silver Miko
Summary: Sequel to 'The Ride Home' - Life's not always a happy ending. It's not always fair. You don't get your faerie tale. Life's not pretty sometimes. We just have to smile even if we're depressingly miserable inside. Grin and bare it. Smile like you mean it. E


Author's Notes: I can hear it now: update this Miko! Update that! Well, this will have to tide you all over for now, eh? .

Sequel to 'The Ride Home'

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Boulevard of Broken Dreams

By Silver Miko

_Life isn't always a happy ending, sometimes things aren't fair, we don't get our faerie tale scenario. It's not always pretty. We still have to make do, and try to smile through it. Grin and bare it. Smile like you mean it. Even if you're depressingly miserable inside. Smile. _

I suppose you could say I always lived by that motto, though usually I am pretty happy go lucky at an average level you could say. I don't normally have a heavy sense of depression or a permanent frown feeling.

Maybe it's the snow. I'm not sure why I ever liked winter when my face is so cold, my skin feels so cold. Even with gloves, a coat, two shorts, a scarf, a hat...I'm still no good with cold weather.

I always had people around me, but lately I feel so....lonely. The same people feel a bit stifling, and even my friends...I can't keep talking about _him_ to them. It gets old like a broken record, the needle stuck on the vinyl. I'm the vinyl and he's the needle. If that makes any sense.

I wish I didn't feel the need to talk about it so much, but I guess I'm not so smart in that I can't figure out my own problems in this case, and I need someone else to tell me what to do.

Because I really can't do anything for myself this time. It's kind of pathetic, I always thought myself a rather independent person, somewhat. I guess I'm wrong. Maybe what I really want is someone to find out for me what Aoshi is thinking, to ask him what he thinks of me.

But that would just cause a whole other bunch of issues. I hate the drama of it all. Why is this so complicated? Do I make it complicated? I suppose the problem is he never flat out rejects me.

Never yes I like you, or no I don't.

The ambiguous maybe of 'I don't know...'

I'm starting to get really tired of it.

I've said if he doesn't want to hang out that's fine, just tell me and he said that's not it.

So then what? Is it I'm short? That I can ramble on and be loud? Am I not pretty enough? Granted I can be a real tomboy looking girl but I....

Today classes started again at Todai and I was sitting in the student lounge in the corner waiting for my next class, my MP3 player in hand.

I suppose I'm still a Design major, but I kind of don't want to do it anymore. I really don't know, I kind of like art history and literature...but I don't want to write a long, forty page thesis. No no no.

Maybe I should teach or something. Or learn business and just take over the Aoiya for Jiya. He kind of hints at it a lot. I should do something. I don't know. I need to stop obsessing over Shinomori Aoshi for one.

A friend once told me _if it happens it happens, if not....then that's that._

I really wish I could believe in that. It's so hard to let go.

Oh, the song switches. How appropriate: the American band Green Day.

If there was one thing I did really well, it was I studied English very early on and traveled a bit in my teens. I even did the JET program for a month in Australia. They speak English...well....kind of? Different. I had to get used to the slang there.

Hm, this song....

_I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone_

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line  
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines  
What's fucked up and everything's alright  
Check my vital signs  
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone  
I walk a...

I walk this empty street_  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a..._

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone...

I really love that song. Something about it gets to me. I suppose cheery J-pop is expected of me, although I do love J-pop.

I guess I can relate to this song, being alone. I KNOW I have a family that loves me, friends that love me....but I....am really selfish and I want more than that.

I want LOVE love. Romantic love. Gives you red roses love.

I've never gotten flowers from a guy.

And I work with flowers. Ironic, ne?

It's really cold outside. I hope the weather gets warm soon, I'm supposed to go to a museum and do a small paper of the pieces of art I see there. I would love to take Aoshi with me. I want to share something I love with him.

Would it mean anything to him? He wouldn't go with me anyway probably.

I hate winter. It makes me so tired, makes me so depressed. I miss warmer weather. It makes me feel freer, like I can do anything, like nothing can hold me down...even my own stupid thoughts.

My own stupid obsessions.

My own stupid crush.

Sometimes I wish I could hate you, Shinomori Aoshi.

But that really would always be a lie.

Damn...

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Miko getting angsty. Fear not, the apocalypse is NOT coming.


End file.
